- random writing -

So I was reading my previous post and it got me laughing, like, wow kayak sesedih itu ya keliatannya HAHA. Well, sedih sih iya pada saat itu, tapi gue rasa ngga sesedih itu sih.. mungkin kalimat yang gue pake aja ya bikin terlihat sedih banget wkwk. I wrote it not because I can't let him go, but only to pour what's been on my mind. I know better things are waiting for me, and I know new people are coming into my life to teach me something, to give me a new experience in life. And yes, surprisingly, there is one, already come into my life. I'm not saying it in a romantic way btw, it's in a friendly way if that makes sense haha. I love having new friend! But I'm too afraid to write about that person here (maybe for now), afraid that I have to let that person go just like the previous one hahaha especially since it's been only a few days since our first conversation. And, you know, Taylor Swift might be right; You know how scared I am of elevators Never trust it if...

It's been more than a week since our goodbye A sudden goodbye for me, actually.. Baru pas weekend kita pergi main bareng, dan bener-bener merasakan quality time karena fokus kita beneran buat ngobrol. Gue seneng bisa tau dia lebih dalam, dan gue pun bisa cerita banyak hal. Nothing strange, kita pun masih seperti biasanya, secara tersirat bikin rencana destinasi untuk pertemuan selanjutnya. Dulu gue suka mikir apakah beneran ada next time saat kita bikin plan "yaudah next timenya kita xxxxx aja", tapi siapa sangka, ternyata udah ngga akan ada next time lagi.. Mungkin emang gue sempet merasa kita tiba-tiba kok terasa jauh, tapi ternyata pas ketemu ya masih biasa aja. But still, I was shocked with this sudden shift. Besoknya kita masih chat, walau emang lebih jarang karena biasanya emang begitu kalo pas hari libur. Tapi besoknya, dia ngga ada kabar sama sekali. Ya gue mikirnya mungkin emang lagi sibuk kerja aja, tapi perasaan gue jadi khawatir karena sampe besoknya pun ngga ...

Less conversation, longer time to respond, and me on my period. Paket lengkap untuk overthinking bukan? Awalnya gue mulai mikir, "is it the end of our conversation?" without any proper goodbye? just quietly go? Sebenernya dari awal gue udah bilang ke dia sih, kalo emang dirasa udah ngga mau ngobrol lagi, tolong bilang aja daripada malah jadi terpaksa buat responin celotehan gue. He said okay. But, who knows, mungkin pada akhirnya emang selalu akan berakhir tanpa ada proper goodbye? Kenapa tiba-tiba kerasa jauh ya? Pas awal-awal gue dikasih tau sama dia kalo kerjaan dia lagi banyak, dan kebetulan dia juga lagi ngga dalam kondisi fisik yang fit, gue sempet mikir oh ya mungkin ini lah alasan kenapa tiba-tiba kerasa jauh. Tapi... apa iya bener-bener cuma karena ini? Since i don't know what's happening in his life, his surrounding, i can't help but wondering all the what ifs.. Semenjak kenal dia, gue tanpa sadar selalu cemas tiap weekend, soalnya obrolan yang ngga inte...