- random writing -

You know what, I've been quite happy with my life lately. So free, so happy, enjoying my own company, there are a lot of new things that I do. Feels like I'm on peak happiness right now. But, Weeks ago, on the last week of October, I accidentally know that my ex was getting marry. Yes, that ex from 3 years ago. He's married to the woman he told me nothing to worry about back then. The presence that made him losing his feeling for me when we were still together.  (I didn't accuse him, but one of his circle told me that he 'open his card' to them and admitted that he was cheating on me because he's bored not being able to meet me on pandemic, dan pada akhirnya cinlok). And yes, despite the fact that I'm really happy with my life right now, knowing that fact indeed reopen my old wounds. No, I don't even have the desire to get back together. It's done DONE since years ago. I don't even want him back. Gue bahkan heran juga kenapa hal itu jadi gang...

Haid sudah selesai, kok masih ada hari dimana I feel like shit? Masih mengharapkan mantan? Hmm, I don't think so. Masih galau? Kadang emang suka ngerasa down, tapi gue rasa ngga ada alasan spesifiknya alias ya moodswing biasa aja. Gue coba pikir-pikir lagi, kenapa sih bulan ini sering banget merasa kacau. And when something comes to mind, Oh, damn.. Is it because... it's September? Am I still triggered whenever September comes? That was happen 3 years ago, come on.. That breakup, the worst breakup.. Gue inget banget sih emang, itu kejadian kan 2021, Nah pas 2022, gue lagi enjoy-enjoynya nikmatin hidup as a single lady, tapi ada momen tiba-tiba gue merasa sedih banget, nyesek, galau dsb. Terus pas gue liat tanggal, oh man ini September... Awalnya pun gue clueless, karena ngga ada event apa-apa gitu kan, terus pas inget sesuatu di bulan September tahun lalu, baru deh langsung sadar ke hal itu.. Gue inget banget karena pada saat itu gue sampe cerita ke temen gue tentang gue yang t...

Just remember that you always deserve to be loved. You may be feeling like you miss the spark. Miss the butterfly. Miss the blushing and flustered moment. Miss the fun dates. Miss everything you used to do for two. But, you must know that you can get it again. You can feel those magical moment again At anywhere, at anytime, from anyone. And it's not supposed to be from the one on your past. Even when you do flashback about the past, it just mean you miss the spark, now that you are on your own. It's definitely okay to feel lonely at times, cause we are all only human after all. You only miss the moment, not the person. Because you know you always deserve to be treated right. And the right person won't ever leave you, even when you can't handle yourself. The right person won't ever give up on you. And even it will still lead to separation, the right person will always try his best, not afraid to try, not being discouraged and only thinking about being scared of failu...

Gue lagi pms nih. You know lah namanya lagi pms pasti salah satu yang paling berasa tuh moodswingnya. And this time, moodswing gue lumayan parah sih hahaha. Yang biasanya selalu ada pas lagi pms (dan pas masa haidnya) adalah mode senggol bacok. Pokoknya kalo bisa jangan ajak banyak ngobrol deh apalagi pas baru bangun tidur. Tapi kali ini, ya namanya juga habis melalui fase perpisahan yang mana belum ada 2 bulan, tentu ada perasaan tambahan yaitu sedih hahaha. Sedih bukan karena want to get him back, cuma ya sedih aja gitu tiba-tiba. Nah, karena pasca perpisahan tuh ini adalah masa pms ke dua gue, jadi udah ada gambaran lah moodswing seperti apa yang akan gue rasakan, at least yang kali ini ngga sesedih yang pertama gitu kan. Tapi, entah kenapa, yang gue rasain malah tiba-tiba kayak parah bgt coy wkwkwk. Posisinya tuh gue lagi di kantor, di siang bolong, di jam abis istirahat, lagi mau mulai kembali kerja nih, ya sambil scroll Twitter gitu lah. Terus tiba-tiba...gue ngerasa sedih banget...