- random writing -

Hai I'm not sure if you will read this, but I'm gonna greet you anyway.. Gimana kabarnya? Semoga sehat dan bahagia selalu ya di sana Ngga ada tujuan spesial di tulisan ini, I write this just because I feel like it. Terakhir kali nulis sesuatu yang bener-bener tertuju buat lu, itu adalah sebuah confession, haha. I'm sure it was a really weird gift you ever got. Ngga berasa ya itu ternyata udah hampir 5 bulan yang lalu. lol. Waktu itu gue nulis itu karena merasa ngga akan ada kesempatan buat ngomongin itu secara langsung (karena covid lagi cukup parah jadi kirain ngga akan mudik ke Malang), jadi yaudah deh pake prinsip YOLO aja dan merasa di tanggal itu adalah satu-satunya kesempatan yang gue punya. Eh taunya ternyata gue bisa mudik, tapi udah terlanjur haha. Semenjak confession itu, jelas terlihat lu menjauh dan jaga 'jarak' dari gue. Well, gue ngga mempermasalahkan itu sih, karena itu juga hal yang udah gue persiapkan (walau tetep aja kaget pas beneran kejadian haha...

Used to think that the love I have for someone in my past is unconditional. But to think of it now... maybe it isn't? Because, yes I want my ex-partner to be happy, but I (unconsciously and indirectly) don't want to know what he's up to. Maybe it was just to make myself calm, to think my love for him was unconditional, when it's actually not. I was letting him go saying my love was unconditional and that his happiness is mine too, when I was actually being forced to let him go. If it's really unconditional, knowing what he's up to should be making me curious. But it's not. I don't want to know what he's up to, not because I'm afraid of being triggered, but because I don't really want to know.. Used to wish him happiness in my prayer, but before I know it, I stop saying his name. And now that I realize that I stop saying his name in my prayer, I think my love for him isn't as pure as I thought it was.. Maybe how I was hurt is taking part f...