Unexpectedly, I fall in love..

We all know God always answer our prayer and question in an unexpected way and time..because God knows what's the best for us

And this time, I'm grateful of how God shows me what's need to be shown 

Simply put, I had a big heartbreak 

It really broke me into pieces and it was never this bad before

I'd say that was one of my lowest point 

I took my time facing the sadness and struggle

And after that I tried to look on the bigger pictures

Took some lessons from it

Feeling grateful for what I got despite losing something

And then looking for peace, looking for happiness, and not looking for them on others but myself

I isolated myself until I feel like 'me' again. 

And then, just when I thought I started to find peace, started to find happiness within me, started to trust myself again

Just when I prioritized myself and my own happiness, 

God gave me this feeling 

Yes, love. 

I once believed it would take quite a long time for me to be able to love someone, romantically

I even thought I would never love someone again, afraid of letting myself to break once again

I was afraid to be close to someone 

"If I don't be close to someone (rather than my family and close friends), it's impossible for me to fall in love, right? Maybe that's the best I can do right now"

That's what I thought

Even when I fall in love, then that man must be really amazing because he have to put a big effort to make me overcome my fear to fall in love and trust him 

And then God gave me the answer, 

Because right now, I'm falling in love with someone 

It's been months already

Yes, this person is a friend of mine

A really nice guy who treat his friends really well

But the funniest part is, I fall in love with him when we don't even talk at all

It's been long since the last conversation, when I have this feeling

Yes, this love just come out of nowhere.. 

The way God answer my thoughts will be forever mysterious

Because this person, suddenly came into my mind, in the middle of the day, in the middle of work 

I thought it was just a random thing where certain people suddenly come into my mind 

It happened to me often actually

But no, this time it's different

Why?

Because this genuine feeling changes my life 

I feel excited everyday

Seeing his random post on my timeline makes me happy (and somehow he's always on the top everytime I open it, i like the coincidence cause it's like we open it at the same time)

Not seeing his updates when I open my social media makes me wondering if anything happen to him and can only praying it's just him enjoying his 'offline' life so much and not because anything bad happens

I can feel the spark

Yes, even without any conversation, without doing anything

But i feel calm and feel like something keep blooming within me

Listening to sad or breakup songs no longer break me 

It, somehow, makes me energized and give me strength instead

Listening to love songs makes me happy, excited, and energized and also feel those butterflies in my stomach 

And also..reminds me of him

It makes me keep smiling and wanting to write happy and lovely notes

Like a teenage girl having a crush on a boy and excited to secretly and shyly take a glance at him at school

(Too bad I can't take a glance as our workplace isn't the same and we're not in the same town) 

Knowing how it can lighten my days and cheer me up, I can tell it's love 

I feel happy even when I knew he had someone by his side already back then

Watching him looked so happy with her, made me happy too

And knowing that they broke up, somehow, broke me too..because I know it very well how heartbreaking goodbye is 

A part of me want to see some initial on his bio or someone on his post, cause he deserves someone who will treat him right

But a part of me also hesitate if that's what I really want

A song has this lyric

"If you've got a girlfriend, I'm jealous of her

But if you're single that's honestly worse"

I used to just enjoy the song, but now I can playfully relate to that specific lyric

Lol I know I look so funny and weird right now, but isn't it what love can make us, right? 

I don't know if he has someone by his side already or not

But if he already has someone, that means he has found his additional source of happiness, and I think I'd be happy too

But if not, I think I'd play Taylor Swift - Enchanted 

The lyric actually would be more relatable if we hear it after meeting up 

But, still, I'd play that song. Lol 

I don't know for sure what kind of love I have right now

But this is so beautiful 

This feeling may be fade in time, or may be not

But so far, I know that when I love, I love hard (unless it's broken by the person)...so maybe it will take a very long time for this to fade, since he never broke my heart and maybe it's me who broke his long time ago?

I don't know if I will tell him or not even if I have the chance

Will it be the end of our friendship if I have the chance to tell? If so, will I take the risk?

I don't really know what will happen

But whatever happens, happens 

Amazing, isn't it?

I used to think it would take a long time for me to fall in love and the person I fall in love with must be doing something amazing and the effort must be bigger

And it took a short time for God to answer me

By making me fall in love with someone, without doing anything at all

It just come to me like  in a blink of an eye

Knowing that the feeling came when I started thinking about my own happiness, i know this love is a pure feeling

Not a false feeling, not a 'getaway' kind of feeling

People say,

"You'll find love when you least expect it" 

They're right

And I love that

It's gorgeous