Progression of becoming the best self

Gue kan orangnya suka random liat artikel yang muncul di home Google gue tuh. Nah, ada artikel yang langsung menarik perhatian gue karena bisa jadi salah satu tolak ukur diri gue. Judul artikelnya "6 Green Flags You’re Becoming Your Best Self" by The Every Girl website.

So let me put their list and explanation here and what I think about it!

1. You set boundaries (and follow through on them)

Whether it’s saying “no” to taking on another work project when you’re already spread too thin, creating a safe word in the bedroom, or declining a family dinner to take care of your needs; you establish boundaries to build a solid foundation for healthy relationships with yourself and others. You take the time to reflect on your needs in your friendships, romantic relationship, work, etc and why each boundary you’ve introduced or would like to introduce is important to you. Setting a few in motion at a time, keeping it simple, and being clear is how you operate. While it may be uncomfortable at first and take practice following through on your boundaries, you’re a better friend, partner, and employee when you show up for yourself. Your end goal? To feel safe, valued, and respected, no matter what context a boundary is set in.

I love that I realize that I keep practicing doing this. Setting boundaries. Gue adalah orang yang ngga enakan, jadi bisa ketebak lah ya gue tuh dulu jarang banget protes, pokoknya ikutin aja alurnya lah. Tapi gue happy karena gue sadar, gue yang sekarang udah berubah. Gue udah mulai berani setting the boundaries. Udah mulai vokal menyuarakan ketidaksukaan gue kalo ada perkataan/perbuatan yang bikin gue ngga nyaman, walau itu muncul dari orang yang gue kenal. Gue yang dulu mungkin sering overthinking atas perbuatan orang lain yang menurut gue abu-abu, tapi gue juga ngga enak buat nanya. Sekarang? you'll probably surprised by how bold I am HAHA. Kalo ada hal yang abu-abu, gue akan minta penjelasan supaya tau ini itu hitam atau putih, ngga mau nambah-nambah pikiran sendiri cuma buat nebak-nebak.

Pada saat gue nulis ini gue emang masih single, but my past relationship really taught me to set the boundaries. Gue jadi paham apa aja batasan gue, what I'd like to do/not to do. No is a no, gue ngga akan lagi dengan mudah menolerir hal-hal yang sebenernya ngga bisa gue tolerir karena kemakan perasaan dan rasa takut kehilangan. Ada rasa takut kehilangan ya wajar aja emang, tapi pokoknya jangan sampe bikin kita jadi orang bodoh. Never settle for less, hehe.

Tapi, gue sadar gue masih susah untuk bilang 'tidak' dalam hal ajakan orang. Semua ajakan cenderung gue gas-in semua, tanpa sadar beberapa kali tuh bikin weekend gue full tanpa ada jeda buat istirahat. Ya gue ngga menyesali ajakan itu, karena mostly adalah untuk bertemu temen-temen dan gue seneng bisa bercengkrama berbagi cerita. Tapi lain kali gue harus berusaha mencoba reschedule janjian kalo emang gue rasa gue butuh waktu istirahat sih ya, especially kalo itu lingkupnya kecil kayak cuma ketemu temen-temen deket yang cuma beberapa yang ngga ribet harus nyamain jadwal. I know my body the best kan tuh, jadi jangan lupa ngasih badan istirahat karena gue kan introvert lol. 

2. You keep promises you make to yourself

We all make sacrifices for other people (remember: boundaries, ladies), but you’ve learned that if you don’t fill your own cup first, your career, relationships, and goals can pay the price. Maybe you promised yourself you would turn off Netflix instead of bingeing the next episode for the sake of quality Zzzs, meditate for at least 15 minutes first thing in the morning instead of stopping at Starbucks, and (finally) create a budget (because of said Starbucks addiction). No matter what you tell yourself, you keep your word and see each promise through. The best part? You’ve gained confidence and self-trust.

The secret to ensuring you make good on your promises? First and foremost, you’re realistic and specific with the commitments you set forth. In other words, you set yourself up for success instead of overcommitting. For example, if there’s any doubt you can carry out 15 minutes of meditation, start with five minutes instead. Then, put pen to paper, lay out a game plan, and track your progress (don’t forget to celebrate your wins!), and voila!—promises fulfilled.  

As for me, gue rasa part ini juga sudah gue jalankan, tapi emang masih ada yang belum terlaksana haha. Ada yang menilai gue sebagai orang yang well-planned dalam segala hal, dan gue ngga membantah itu. Gue mengakui itu, karena gue emang lebih suka sesuatu yang terjadwal soalnya bikin gue lebih mudah nargetin kapan gue harus ngelakuin ini ini dan ini. Hal-hal spontan tetep bisa gue lakuin sih, tapi akan lebih suka kalo gue udah punya rencana. Nah dari plan yang udah gue buat itu, ngga selalu semuanya bisa terlaksana sesuai rencana, bisa karena emang ngga memungkinkan untuk dikerjakan atau ya pure karena males haha. Tapi ya bener sih kalo kita harus nepatin janji kita ke diri sendiri. If we can't keep our words to ourselves, then how can other people trust our words?

3. You let go of self-limiting beliefs

We all have false preconceived thoughts, notions, and narratives we’ve told ourselves that hold us back from becoming our best selves: “I’m not pretty enough,” “I shouldn’t apply for that job because I won’t get it,” “I’ll never find the right partner.” But you’re aware you have your life experiences, fear, and imposter syndrome to thank for those unconscious biases.

So you take a step back and pinpoint your limiting beliefs by journaling about them and the possible reasons behind them (“Does this fear protect me from rejection and failure?”), question and challenge them (“Is this belief actually true?”), and reframe them into an inspiring and motivating idea (“I’ll never find the right partner” becomes “I haven’t found the right partner yet, but I’m going to work on putting myself and my needs first”). But you don’t stop there. You exercise self-love with affirmations, like “I’m enough,” “I have a lot to offer the world,” and “I’m worthy of love” (thank you, next, false perceptions). 

Ah, gue rasa gue kayak punya love-hate relationship dengan part ini haha. Gue bisa dan sering motivate myself dan ambil semua hal dari sisi positifnya seperti yang dicontohkan, tapi juga, kayak, the next second guenya juga jadi ke mode insecure dan limiting myself. I know it's a part of handling my mind, tapi gue ngga sehebat itu, kadang mood dan rasa takut masih suka menghantui gue jadi masih susah untuk selalu sepositif itu haha. Will try to keep positive minds more often!

4. You show yourself compassion

You treat your BFFs with kindness without giving it a second thought, especially when they’re hard on themselves. But when you made a mistake or failed to reach a goal, treating yourself with kindness didn’t come as easily—your inclination in the past would have been to beat yourself up and let self-limiting beliefs take over. But now you show yourself the same grace you show your friends (only kindness, understanding, and encouragement are welcome!). You also practice self-compassion by holding others accountable for their actions, say when a boundary you’ve clearly set with a friend was crossed, and asking for help when you need it, like a trusted family member or co-worker. 

Showing yourself compassion didn’t happen with a snap of a finger, but you’ve mastered the skill by practicing self-kindness, adopting a mindfulness-based approach, honoring your authenticity, and taking note of when negative self-talk comes into play. The result? You’ve built resilience, made progress on your goals, and reduced stress (get it, queen!). 

Ah, so relatable. Gue mungkin masih suka ngetreat diri gue tidak sebaik seperti gue (mencoba) ngetreat temen-temen gue.

Gue mungkin selalu bilang ke temen-temen gue untuk langsung hubungi gue kalo mereka lagi butuh temen ngobrol atau pokoknya butuh gue (and I really mean it!!!), tapi di saat gue lagi down gue merasa bingung mau cerita ke siapa karena merasa sungkan untuk ngehubungi atau minta tolong. Apalagi dalam hal minta tolong sih, susah banget buat gue. Bagi gue, selama gue bisa ngelakuin hal sendiri ya buat apa gue nyusahin orang lain buat bantuin gue, and it works just fine for me. Padahal gue juga selalu bilang ke temen gue kalo butuh bantuan hubungin gue aja. Haha kayak berkebalikan banget ya? Tapi pernah sih pada akhirnya gue minta bantuan temen gue, dan ternyata it was nice. Ngurangin beban pikiran gue dan ternyata ngga semenyusahkan itu, temen gue pun bisa bantuin gue dengan mudah. Well, ya ini tergantung siapa yang kita minta tolongin juga sih ya (dan pastinya kalopun mau minta bantuan ya better emang ke orang yang kita percaya dan kita tau dengan baik gimana dia sih menurut gue), tapi alhamdulillahnya gue punya temen-temen yang baik semua. Dan gue sadar, dengan kita minta bantuan, itu juga salah satu cara kita ngetreat diri kita dengan baik sebagai cara ngurangin beban masalah kita. Sama halnya dengan gue yang selalu nawarin bantuan ke temen-temen gue dan emang really mean it, orang-orang di sekitar kita juga pasti ada yang sama, punya keinginan untuk bantu gue.

5. You allow yourself to feel all emotions without judgment

PSA: Even our “best selves” feel negative feelings sometimes. You don’t know you’re becoming your best self when you stop feeling sad, anxious, or stressed; you know you’re becoming your best self when you acknowledge those feelings and know how to process them. You don’t sweep negative feelings under the rug or bury them in work or bottles of wine until you can’t contain them any longer. All emotions are for feeling: happiness, gratitude, and excitement, but also sadness, anger, anxiety, envy, and loneliness. You feel all your feels because they’re each valid. 

Sometimes naming the emotion, accepting it, and recognizing where it’s manifesting in your body is your go-to means of processing. Other times, you take to journaling, hot girl walks, talking to a friend, or therapy sessions to uncover where your feelings are stemming from (maybe your social media habit is triggering your anxiety and sadness?) and what they may be trying to communicate to you (perhaps you could use a social media break?). Bottom line: You’ll cry if you want (or need) to. After all, experiencing all of our selves—the good, the bad, the ugly—is what makes us human and enhances our relationships;  especially (and most importantly) the one we have with ourselves.  

!!!

I'm happy to announce that I no longer sweep those 'negative' feelings under the rug!!!

Gue paham banget kalo dulu tuh gue cenderung melampiaskan rasa sedih dsb buat beraktivitas yang bikin gue capek jadinya abis itu tidur. Pokoknya bikin diri gue sibuk jadinya ngga sempet ada waktu buat galau sedih dll. And I know it was all wrong! Dan gue bangga karena sekarang, tiap kali gue sedih, patah hati, galau, stress, marah dsb, gue udah ngga menghindari itu semua. Gue bener-bener take time buat ngerasain semua emosi itu sampe gue puas, baru setelahnya gue bangkit! Yang paling bikin gue sadar adalah karena ceritanya tuh gue udah pernah patah hati lebih dari sekali kan (lol), pernah setelah hubungannya mau 3 tahun, dan yang paling terbaru setelah hubungannya 6 tahun. Gue inget banget dulu pas SMA itu ada kali gue galau nyaris 1 semester HAHA terus pas yang terbaru ini gue sempet mikir anjir ini gue butuh waktu berapa lama ya?? Dan ternyata!!! Cuma butuh waktu sebulanan melalui segala stage of grief sebelum akhirnya gue mulai pulih dan bangkit lagi. Yaaa sesekali mah keingetan gitu mah ada banget tapi ngga yang sampe ngetrigger gimana-gimana gitu. Dan yang paling gue rasain bedanya adalah karena pas SMA dulu tuh yang gue lakukan nyampur gitu antara bikin diri sendiri sibuk sama ngegalau, yang mana malah bikin ngga kelar kelar wkwkwk. Dan emang kuncinya tuh cuma satu: acknowledge the feeling!

Dengan gitu tuh jadi lebih gampang buat pulih. Dan saat di masa pemulihan, emang harus bener-bener perhatiin yang mau kita lakuin; kalo dirasa nonton drama sedih, buka sosmed liat keuwuan couple, buka sosmed terus liat quote-quote sedih dsb tuh masih triggering banget, then don't do it! Take a break from social media, stop watching sad movie, etc. Jangan nyakitin diri sendiri pokoknya mah, inget tujuan kita mau pulih. Nanti juga akan ada masanya liat hal-hal itu ngga akan triggering lagi!

Tapi kalo merasa butuh nonton hal-hal sedih/relatable supaya bikin kita lebih mudah buat nangis, then do it!

Pokoknya mah lakuin hal yang diri kita butuhkan hehe.

Itulah kenapa gue juga mengubah respon gue saat ada temen yang cerita ke gue. Mungkin di jaman sekolah tiap ada yang lagi sedih gue suka respon dengan "jangan sedih yaa", tapi kalo sekarang gue selalu respon "yaudah luangin waktu lu buat nangis atau marah, tapi jangan berlarut-larut yaa" karena emang kuncinya adalah kita menghadapi semua yang kita rasain ya dengan cara ngebiarin diri kita ngerasain emosi itu, bukan dihindari/dialihkan.

Take your time to grief, to be angry, etc because it will help you to shine brighter!

6. You’re comfortable with being uncomfortable 

Sure, you could hit snooze, skip every workout, and stay small at work, but stepping out of your comfort zone is a must if growth—personally, professionally, and romantically—is what you’re after. It’s not easy, but you identified the things that bring you discomfort and went after them anyway. You faced them head on, knowing you may not get instant gratification and may risk failing or getting rejected. But here’s the “best-self” part: you did it anyway, because you know it’s what you really want.

Maybe you tried the 3-2-8 method despite never lifting weights, took yourself out on a solo dinner date when you felt self-conscious being alone, made connections at an alumni networking event which you typically avoid, and spoke up when you disagreed with a point your boss made and suggested a different approach. You hit repeat on diving into new experiences and pushing your limits because practice makes perfect (although you’re not after perfection, but I don’t have to tell you that). 

I'm still working on it! Being out of comfort zone at some aspect of your life is never easy, dan itu emang yang gue rasakan. It takes courage and commitment. Gue kadang masih mengutamakan rasa takut dan masih suka wondering segala what ifs jadinya ngga ambil-ambil keputusan haha. Tapi di beberapa aspek, i've already done it! dan ternyata ngga semenakutkan itu. Yaa tergantung ini tentang topik apa sih ya haha kalo untuk keputusan-keputusan besar tentu gue belum seberani itu untuk yolo karena gue tau ada orang lain yang harus gue pikirkan, tapi kalo untuk hal yang berkaitan sama diri sendiri sih gue cukup pede untuk ambil keputusan berdasarkan perasaan yolo aja hahaha.

Soooo, based on artikel ini, gue seneng karena ternyata gue ada progress untuk menjadi my best self hehe. Tentu masih ada PR di sini dan situ, tapi overall gue cukup bangga dengan progress gue. Mungkin gue bisa nyari artikel serupa to reflect on, karena kan acuannya bukan dari 6 hal ini aja, ada banyak hal yang bisa dijadiin acuan haha.

Anyway, have a nice day!!